Will and Ashley

“You’re dead to me.” For the longest time I thought that phrase was too dramatic and should only be used in Mob movies and reality shows. But as I’ve gotten older, there are a few people in my life that I’ve had to push to the outermost limits of my brain, almost like the deepest, darkest, coldest parts of the sea. They can no longer live in the most conscious parts of my brain or in the warmest places of my heart. It’s a survival skill. It’s my way of forgiving people and moving on without seeking revenge. My cousin is one of these people.…

VaginaGate

“Stacy, you look like you could suck dick…but your pussy is garbage,” Fernando Thompson blurted out in our school lunchroom. I was sitting at one table; he was sitting at another table in front of me. He was in my class. We were tenth-graders. I stared at him. I looked at his buck teeth. I looked at his unibrow. I looked at his off-white flea-market jeans, but I said nothing. This was my strategy anytime anyone mentioned my vagina at school. People were talking about my vagina at school because I let a boy from a nearby boy’s school put his hands inside my panties at my classmate’s beach party the previous summer.…

Cory’s Mom Died?!

Monday, I was driving to the the trail, where I usually run. I parked, and before I got out of my car, I checked Facebook, for nothing in particular, just like I always do. Then BAM! One of my closest friends in middle school, posted a picture of her mother. My friend, Cory, had her arm draped around her mother’s neck. Her mom, had her head tilted in Cory’s direction, and she was smiling. They were both smiling. “Bliss” would have been an appropriate hashtag for the picture. Cory posted the picture because her mom died earlier that day. Many people called Cory’s mom “Jet,” as I learned this through the comments section of the picture.…

I Lost a Tooth as an Adult

“Wait, are you missing a tooth Stacy?” my friend Ananda asked me. We were laughing before she noticed the hole where my tooth used to be. I was laughing so hard that I forgot that I was supposed to be hiding my flaw. My guard was down. My head was cocked back. My mouth was wide open. I was laughing, and of course she noticed. She’s one of my best friends. “Yes,” I said. I stopped laughing. “When did you lose a tooth?! How did that happen?!” I really wasn’t ready to talk about this. She was supposed to be making me feel better.…

Getting Over My First Love – Part 6

“Is this Stacy?” “Yes, who’s this?” “Stacy, this is Jessica. I know you went to visit Michael in St. Louis, and I just wanna’ know why the fuck you would do something like that.” I took my phone off of my ear and stared at it. “What did I get myself into?” I thought. “Uhmm…” I said, trying to figure out what to say in this situation. My ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend/baby mama was calling my phone because she found out that over Christmas break I went to visit him and his family in his hometown. “How the fuck you just gonna’ go visit somebody else’s boyfriend that just had a newborn baby?”…

Getting Over My First Love – Part 5

I was sitting in the waiting room at Bad Boy Records. Someone from the finance department was supposed to meet me for an interview for a summer internship. My palms were sweating. I was thinking about all of the interviewing techniques I was taught at FAMU’s School of Business and Industry. “State a few facts about the company, then ask your question.” That’s what I kept trying to repeat to myself, but all I could think about was how my mom took me to the Puff Daddy and the Family concert when I was in high school…and now I was at the headquarters!…

Getting Over My First Love – Part 4

“I would have done the same thing,” my friend said. She tried to make me feel better about having an abortion. She was the one who drove me to Planned Parenthood. She told me not to look when we passed the group of protesters holding up signs of gruesomely disfigured babies. When it was all over, she was the one who drove me to her house, helped me lay down on her futon, and fed me fish sticks and French fries. I was doped up on anesthesia, which also helped numb my fears about what Michael might say about me actually going through with the procedure.…

Getting Over My First Love – Part 3

Photo: lol. The one picture I could find from Summer ’02. It’s my ID badge from my summer internship at United Illuminating, an electric company here in CT. I was part of the INROADS internship program. A bunch of people: Stacy, how do you feel sharing these stories? Me: Very anxious in the beginning. As soon as I click the post button I start sweating. I usually feel numb on Thursdays. By Friday, I feel much better. The rest of the week I feel freer. Each week feels like I’m emptying a bag. It’s like an emotional spring cleaning. [PART THREE] Parts One and Two are on processingpain.com.…

Getting Over My First Love – Part 2

  J: Are you sure you’re ready to share this part? Me: I don’t know. *Hits Post Button* [PART TWO] (Part One is here http://bit.ly/219wLs5, if you missed it.) It was the beginning of sophomore year. I got back to Tallahassee before Michael did. I couldn’t wait to see his face. I waited for his phone call. We hadn’t seen each other all summer. When he arrived to our new apartment complex, he called and told me to come down to his unit. I found the closest pair of flip-flops, walked a few doors down, and saw he and his mom moving his stuff into his apartment.…

Getting Over My First Love – Part 1

A week or two ago, an old friend from college asked me why I transferred from FAMU, and I started thinking and writing about it. I realize now, 13 years later, it was because I didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of a break up…well not just any break up – my first love. I’m a little nervous about this one guys. The experience that I’m writing about this week involves a person that is still living. lol. I didn’t tell the person that I was writing this story, nor am I trying to throw him under any kind of bus, so I have changed pretty much all of his information.I’ll…